I Am Not Perfect
by Jappa
Summary: I Am Not Perfect. Nobody Loves me. I should have died instead of Naruto. HE was perfect. Everyone loved him. He did not deserve to die! ReUpload of F-Ing Perfect, now meets ToS. Warnings Inside. Oneshot.


**_Hey guys, so this is a re-uload Fucking Perfect. Fanfiction took the story off as the title/summary didn't meet the guidlines, So I've changed it to meet them and hopefully it can stay online. The story title is now 'I Am Not Perfect'._  
**

**Summary: I am not perfect. Nobody Loves me. I should have died instead of Naruto. _HE_ was perfect. Everyone loved him. He did not deserve to die.**

**Warnings: attempted suicide, depression, anorexia/bulemia, teenage pregnancy, rape, neglection, self harm**

**I got this idea after watching the video clip for Fucking Perfect. It was so depressing!**

**This story is not in great detail. Pretty much it is all the important things in Sakura life that leads her to be the person in the end of the story.**

**ALSO: I will not be updating stories on here for a while until I finish The Real Life of Kagome On Ashleigh131, Death Note on Crack and One Condition (both on MyShadowofDoom) I will however be updating finished one-shots that I have finished onto Jappa keeping you updated with how long I have to go. **

**Also if anyone knows anything about the Harry Potter Fanfic Grey by StrangeLove 26, can they please tell me? I am just wondering why they deleted it.**

**I am Not Perfect  
**

_'Pretty, pretty please don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than fucking perfect_

_Pretty, pretty please if you feel like your nothing, you're fucking perfect to me.'_

An 11 year old Sakura sat in her bed hugging her legs to her chest as she listened to her parents scream at each other.

_I cannot take this!_ She screamed and jumped out of her window and ran down the street to the tree house her best friend, Naruto made with her.

When she arrived she wasn't surprised to see Naruto there. He was always there when she needed him.

He pulled her in for a hug and sighed. "Your parents fighting again?" he asked.

Sakura nodded and let the tears stream down her face.

Naruto sat her down on the bench and wrapped his cloak around her. "It is okay," he whispered, "Everything will turn out fine." He assured her.

Sakura took in a shuddered breath. "Do you really think so?" she asked her voice quiet and unsure.

"Yep, I know so!" Naruto said. "Believe it!"

Sakura could not help but giggle at his antics and she was soon laughing with Naruto about some of the stupid things Naruto's neighbour had done that day.

Hours passed and Sakura decided she should go home. _It is not like they noticed I was gone anyway._ She thought and handed Naruto his coat.

"Nah, you can keep it!" he said before climbing down the ladder and running towards his house. "See you later Sakura!" he yelled waving.

Sakura waved back and slowly walked to her place. When she arrived she ignored her parent's questions about where she went and went straight to her room.

A few days later, she was talking with Naruto in the tree house.

"Mum and Dad are taking me on a vacation for a few weeks." Naruto suddenly said. "Will you be okay on your own?" he asked worried.

Sakura nodded. "I will be fine." She said. "I will just turn my music up and ignore them if they start fighting again." She said with a smile. "You go have fun with your family, do not worry about me!"

Naruto nodded. "I will miss you! Remember you are the best friend ever!" he said.

Sakura smiled a real genuine rare smile. "Love you Naruto." She said.

The weeks passed and Sakura was looking forwards to seeing Naruto again. Sakura waited in the Tree house for him until late at night but he never arrived. Shrugging she thought he was just tired and went home. He will visit the next day. She was certain.

The next day he did not visit her, and neither the day after that, and the day after that.

That was when a letter arrived in the mail.

Sakura shook her head as she read the letter.

"No! NO! This cannot be happening! Naruto!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face.

Naruto and his family died in a plane crash on the way back.

He was dead.

He was gone.

She was alone.

"NO!" she screamed.

Her parents did not know what to do. She would not talk to them, she would not tell them what happened and she would not let them comfort her when they found out.

"He is gone." She whimpered rocking back and forth on the bed. "He is gone."

The holidays finished and it was time for Sakura to start school. It was year 6 and she was not looking forwards to it. With Naruto –her only friend- gone, the bullies will probably target her.

She put her bag on the hook and walked into the classroom ignoring Ino who was yelling insults at her.

"How is Naruto, Sakura?" Ino asked. "Oh wait, you would not know! Because he is DEAD!" she said.

Her friends laughed at what she said and Sakura tried her hardest not to cry.

_What would Naruto do? …He would start laughing… and…and…_

A single tear streamed down her face. _I do not know what he would do anymore…_

Weeks passed and the bullying got worse to the point that Ino and her gang were pushing Sakura, blaming things that never happened on Sakura and even stealing her lunch and money.

Every night when Sakura was at home, she would pull Naruto's cloak out of the closet and warp herself up in it, imagining Naruto was next to her talking about the stupid things his neighbour did or comforting her after another fight.

The fighting got worse and Sakura knew that things were getting to out of hand for anything to be fixed.

She was right too, because her parents soon decided to get a divorce.

Sakura's Mum was devastated.

"It is YOUR entire fault!" her Mum screamed at her, "You and your bloody depression over someone who died 6 MONTHS AGO!"

Sakura stared shocked at her mother before running out of the house to the tree house.

Sakura never felt so alone.

She did not return home that night, not that her mother cared, and when she returned late the night after, the only thing she got was a glare from her mother and a couple of slices of toast to eat.

_Why could not it have been me instead of Naruto?_

Sakura Mum pretty much ignored her and didn't even go to her graduation at the end of school.

Sakura stood their alone in a pair of dark blue jeans, a black button up shirt and Naruto's cloak.

_Finally I can get away from this place. I hope high school is better than this…_

Boy was she wrong.

The Bullying in High school was 10 times worse.

Sakura's clothes got darker and less feminine and her makeup also got darker and more gothic.

Sakura knew she was depressed. All the talks during school about depression and suicide kept her informed about everything.

Sakura also did not talk. Her Mother took her to the Doctors because the school was constantly ringing her about it and it turns out Sakura was a selective Mute.

"Great, another thing to gain attention." Her mother sneered and glared at her daughter.

Sakura shrugged and went into her room.

The next day got worse. In the morning, her Mum made her wear floral feminine clothes to school and wash off all her makeup.

And when Sakura arrived home, she found her Mother standing over a fire holding Naruto's cloak.

"NO!" Sakura screamed but her Mum dropped it in.

"Get in the car; we are going to the shops to buy you a new wardrobe." Her mother said.

"That- that…" Sakura stumbled.

"What?" her mother asked harshly.

"That was Naruto's…" Sakura whispered as she watched the cloak burn, her only thing left of Naruto gone.

Her mother just rolled her eyes and shoved Sakura to the car.

That was the first night Sakura cut herself.

She had pulled apart her shaving razor and used the blade to slice her skin.

The blood dripped onto the shower floor and Sakura let out a shuddered sigh.

Year eight was not much better. Her teacher hated her.

Year 8 was also the year Sakura was going to try and get over her depression. The key word was try.

Sakura was always reading books about getting over depression and found a chant that was good to say when she was down.

One day during class, she had just been hit in the head with a ruler – which the teacher saw and did nothing about and someone was teasing her about her parent's divorce and Naruto's death (she did not even know how they knew.)

She was writing it down seeing as she wasn't talking.

_'I am perfect. There is nothing wrong with me. I am pretty. Nothing is my fault-'_

The teacher snatched up the piece of paper.

"I am perfect. There is nothing wrong with me. I am pretty. Nothing is my fault?" he snorted. "You are so conceited. Honestly, how could you say this?" he said and ripped it up throwing it in the bin.

"Open your eyes Sakura; nothing is about you so stop trying to get everyone's attention." He sneered and went back to teaching the class.

Sakura did not care if anyone saw. She did not care about anything anymore. Sakura let the tears stream down her cheeks and dug her fingers into the newest cut, letting the blood drip own her fingers from the newly opened gash.

Sakura did not notice the boy who was watching her while glaring at the teacher behind his back…

The teacher too started insulting Sakura, and laughed at her when he found more notes written in her book.

"I am not fat?" he snorted. "God, these are worse than the first one I found. Get over yourself."

He was the reason Sakura stopped eating or throwing up what she did eat.

Sakura got thinner every day. Her skin was growing pale until it was a sickly white. She had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep and more and more scars were gathering on her wrist.

She still did not notice the boy that was watching her with worry form the shadows and wondering what he should do.

Sakura was shocked when she got the first letter.

_'You are perfect.'_ It said. Sakura sneered at it and threw it in the trash. _I am not perfect! Why would this person play such a cruel prank!_ She exclaimed in her mind and stormed to the bathroom.

The boy gazed sadly after her.

_'You ARE perfect! No matter what you or anyone else thinks! So please stop starving and cutting yourself.'_ Was what the second one said and that was when Sakura started to get worried.

How did they know she cut herself? Who was this person?

She did not throw this letter. Instead she popped it in the hidden pocket which she kept her razor in.

The person in the shadows smiled. _At least she did not throw it out._ They thought.

The letters kept coming and Sakura soon found herself looking forwards to the next letter. She had also started eating again; though it was only something small at every meal.

That was also when she started to notice a boy in the popular group. He was perfect with his black eyes and blue hair.

But Sakura new she would never be with him because she was scum to him.

His name was Kisame. No one knew his last name and no one bothered asking what it was.

Sakura found herself wishing it was him who wrote those letters to her. And when she caught herself doing that, she would cut.

_'Why are you cutting so much again?'_ was what the next letter said and Sakura could not help but let out a bitter laugh.

The people nearby stared at her shocked but Sakura could care less and walked out onto the oval to sit alone in the trees carving quotes, words and drawings into it.

Year 8 finished and year 9 flew by like year 8 just without the teacher who hated her.

But that did not make up for what happened.

Sakura was raped. In the middle of Lunch by one of the year 11 boys who bullied her.

He had followed her into the trees and watched her carve into the tree and at the perfect time, he took advantage of her.

Sakura felt filthy. She felt dirty and no amount of scrubbing in the showers would help her get rid of the feeling.

She cut more often but could not convince herself to stop eating.

Then the worst happened. She did not get her period. It was 3 weeks late.

Sakura knew something was up and immediately grabbed money from her savings and ran to pharmacy.

Positive.

Every single bloody test was positive.

And she had used 10.

Sakura was pregnant and she did not know what to do.

Sakura could not bring herself to get an abortion. It was a living creature and apart of her; even if the _father_ was filth.

And because of the baby Sakura started to eat more and cut less.

The baby and the letters were the only thing keeping her sane.

Weeks passed and Sakura started having morning sickness. Her Mum just said she had a stomach bug and kept her home for a couple of days.

When she was able to go back to school, she was worried though. And it was for a good reason.

In the middle of PE, Sakura suddenly grabbed her stomach, ran to the bathroom and threw up everything she ate during Morning Break and Lunch.

The teacher came running in after her and immediately got one of the people to take Sakura to the Nurse and stay with her until she either went home or was sent back to class.

And it was just Sakura's luck that _Kisame_ was chosen.

Sakura held her stomach while being lead down the corridors into the Sick Bay.

Doing what the teacher said, Kisame stayed and watched as the Nurse questioned Sakura on the reason why she might be sick.

Sakura froze on a particular question.

"Pregnant?" Shizune asked.

Sakura's eyes screamed everything and slowly she nodded while gazing down at her stomach.

Kisame stared in shock. _She is pregnant?_

"Who is the father? Does he go to this school?" Shizune asked.

Sakura reached into her pocket, pulled out some paper and a pen and wrote the answer.

It said three words.

_'I was raped.'_

Then Sakura stood up and ran out of the room.

Shizune and Kisame gazed at the paper shocked and then immediately ran out after Sakura.

Sakura ran to her tree and leaned her head against it. Sighing she traced the newest carving which was her name and what she was going to call the baby depending on what sex it was.

She had come up with Ivory if it was a girl and Natheniel if it was a boy.

She put her hand on her stomach. "You are the only thing keeping me sane." She whispered.

She may be a selective mute, but when alone, she will talk.

After a moment a shadow appeared in front of her and she looked up into the handsome face of Kisame.

"There you are." He said and Shizune appeared behind him.

"Sakura, we are going to have to talk. This is a big thing and you cannot be alone." she said.

Sakura looked away and it was when Kisame and the Nurse noticed all the carvings almost covering the tree.

Sakura suddenly pointed to an unfinished one. It looked like it had been there a while but the carving suddenly dug in, a large chunk gone and another random carving nearby.

The Only letters written were _'K .I. S.'._ She was writing Kisame but it could be mistaken as KISS like the band.

They frowned. "Is this… Sakura is this where it happened?"

Sakura nodded and a tear streamed down her face.

Shizune goes around and pulls Sakura in for a hug which Sakura is shocked about, her blinking showing just that.

"Come on Sakura, you too Kisame… I think we should have a long talk in my office." She said and helps her up.

They walk to the Sick bay again and into Shizune's office.

"Now Sakura, I know you are a selective mute… but you are going to have to talk." Shizune explained.

Sakura sighed. "Okay…" she says. Her voice was quiet and a bit rough from not talking in so long.

Kisame stares at her. _She… talked?_

"What happened?" Shizune asked.

Sakura sighed and stared out the window. Kisame noticed how she was gripping her wrist and reached over to grab the hand.

She looked at him shock but began to talk.

"I was carving in the tree, as I usually did and when I least expected it he… he-" Sakura choked on her words and realisation finally dawned on her and she broke down into tears.

Shizune sighed knowing this would happen. She knew as soon as Sakura wrote down the words that it had not sunk in yet.

She pulled Sakura into another hug and then motioned for Kisame to go get the other nurse

Shizune comforted Sakura until Tsunade entered the room.

"What happened?" Tsunade asked eyeing the sobbing girl.

"It finally dawned on her that she was raped and now pregnant." Shizune said and Tsunade's eyes widened.

No wonder she was asked to come here, she knew a lot about psychology and this girl was going to need a lot of therapy.

Tsunade hated rape cases… though she would do anything possible to help the student out.

Tsunade walked over to the filling cabinet and pulled out Sakura's records.

Her eyebrows rose. Maybe this case was worse.

_'Selective Mute.' _Stood out on the page like a red rose in a field of yellow daffodils.

She would not be a selective mute unless something happened to her.

It took a while, but Sakura calmed down and was taken into another room with Tsunade. Kisame left and went back to class, he had noticed how alone Sakura was and had decided he was going to talk to his friends.

Sakura sat in a lounge with her legs pulled into her chest.

Sakura and Tsunade had talked over everything, well as much as Sakura had talked about – which was not actually much – and Tsunade decided that they should tell her Mother.

It was not the smartest thing to do.

"Get the FUCK out of my HOUSE YOU SLUT!"

Sakura stared at her mother in shock.

Furious eyes bore into hers. "I said get the fuck out." She said throwing a suitcase at Sakura.

Sakura picked up the case and fled.

Life after that was hard. Sakura live in the streets. She would arrive to school early where she would have a shower and get ready in the change rooms. Sakura tried to eat at least two full meals a day. Which was getting harder the longer she lived on the streets.

She managed to keep her homelessness a secret. No one knew any different.

But it was starting to get too much for Sakura. And one night in the park, she cut too deep.

Sakura could not help but smile as blackness started creeping into her vision. Death is just the beginning of a new adventure.

It took Sakura three weeks to wake up. And when she did, Tsunade already knew about her homelessness.

The hospital was a bland white colour with an annoying bleeping noise in the background and an off bleach scent everywhere.

Sakura was being let out the next day with a strict warning to Kisame and his parents to not let her out of their sight.

Kisame had offered to take her in when he had stumbled in on her at the hospital one day and overheard Tsunade asking her how long she had been homeless for. His parents did not mind. They wanted to help this girl that Kisame seemed fond of.

Sakura's belongings were checked for razor's and other sharp objects so she would stop cutting and Kisame and his family always checked and made sure she ate full meals and did not throw them back up.

Sakura was introduced to Kisame's friendship group. Who were the only ones who did not bully her. They were very kind.

Sakura found herself talking a little bit to Konan who treated her like a younger sister.

The Akatsuki (as the group called themselves) adopted Sakura into their strange family and for the first time in her life Sakura felt wanted.

Year 9 finished for Sakura, Kisame, Tobi and Deidara (The others were finishing year 10 (Itachi, Sasori, Hidan) and year 11 (Pein, Konan, Kazuku)) and it was during year 10 that Sakura gave birth to young Nathaniel Alexander.

The group were smitten for the little boy. Kisame's parents mainly looked after Nate unless they had to work, then Sakura had permission to take him to school as long as he did not distract her from school work.

The bullying had died down a bit when she started hanging out with the Akatsuki; which helped Sakura a lot when she was healing from her depression.

Soon Tsunade only saw Sakura once a month and Sakura was conversing with the whole of the Akatsuki.

Sakura's crush on Kisame slowly got bigger and bigger until Sakura was sure she was in love with him. But she was continued to convince herself that Kisame would not love her back.

How wrong she was.

"Sakura, Can I please talk to you?"

Sakura looked up from her book and into Kisame's blue eyes. "Hm?" she asked.

Sakura noticed how Kisame looked nervous.

"Um... Will you go on a date with me?" he asked quickly."

Sakura blinked but smiled. She could not believe it. Kisame just asked her out!

"I would love too."

Sakura soon grew out of her depression with help from Kisame, her baby and her knew friends.

Life was great for Sakura and she would not change a thing.

**I think the ending is a tad crappy. But I hope you like it!**


End file.
